Because I am emotionally all over the place, this post will be broken up by pictures of pugs.
I am getting to the point where there are good days and if there is an anxiety flare up I can identify and talk through what going on, or recognize I just need a break and give myself the space to have feelings.
Basically my brain is changing.
For the better.
I feel alive.
And then there’s the anger part of it.
The getting annoyed at every little thing because … well, my habits haven’t quite caught up with my new attitude. I think.
See, I find myself needing to run, pace, move.
So honestly, I’m not really sure why I’m writing this post except to kick myself in the ass and actually fucking get out there. For realsies.
With everything going on, my workout schedule has slipped over the last two months.
I am happy to report that I have made working out a priority again and these are the results so far:
Not terrible, but could use improvement. Hey, we all gotta start somewhere, right? As the week goes by I’ll adjust and keep motivating myself for more.
Boxing really helps with the anxiety as I LITERALLY get to hit the bag and work out my frustrations. What I forgot to put in the photo box was that it was 30 sec off 1 min on. I get out of breathe quickly, but the freestyle lets me just blank and punch, kick, and jab at my pleasure.
I’d been thinking about my health for a few weeks now, but what really pushed me over the edge is the fact that my anxiety filled dreams are back, with full force.
I can’t even describe them when I wake up, I just know while I’m in them they’re so filled with things I can’t keep up with or are so far out of my control I feel the urge to cry. In the dream.
The worst part is lately they’ve been getting so bad that even if I realize I’m dreaming, and say, “it’s just a dream, you’re OK” I can’t wake up and the dream plays out like a horror movie.
When I do wake up… It’s not fun. I have to figure out a way to cope and work through it. Anxiety, to be continued…