So the whole, “stay in the house and don’t go outside of your neighborhood” is doing absolute WONDERS for my anxiety. It’s practically gone! Oh my gosh!
Okay, clearly that’s totally not a healthy way to deal with things, obviously.
Besides, I’ve noticed that even having my mom around the house kind of triggers me to go into hiding because I think she’ll judge me — which is flipping REDUNCULOUS.
Anyhow, I’ve made it my mission to go out today and run some errands. I’m even going to try and get myself to shop from a different grocery store instead of relying on the “semi-safety” of Target.
So yeah, I’m feeling kinda sick over it since it makes me feel aimless. So instead, I’m going to list the good stuff I’ve accomplished lately:
- Did laundry (and put it away, sort of)
- Cleaned up the bathroom
- Knit like a madwoman and finished a project
- Helped my mom bring stuff out of the shed
- Put away/ organized dog blankets
- Stream journaled
Yeah, so it was only acknowledging that last one that actually calmed me down. Maybe I should write down every time I … You know, do something non-tangible like calming myself down from a panic attack, or like just right now, tuning into my good moments and making it a point to congratulate myself on it.
By Jove, I think I’m actually onto something here.
You might think from all my posts that I’m sick, afraid, and totally consumed by OCD/ Panic Disorder.. Which don’t get me wrong, I am pretty sick — I couldn’t bring myself to going to my friend’s going away party and then spent.. An hour? (I think) in a Michael’s parking lot calming myself down because I had hit my limit on interacting / being around strangers.
BUT OH MY GOD I DIGRESS
Basically I’m not ALWAYS how I seem on this blog. I write here when I need to get something out of my brain because I don’t know what else to do.
Today was pretty good — I had brunch and ran a few errands with said friend who is moving to a cold place (this makes me very happy as I CAN KNIT HER WARM THINGS). Now, I did start to get way anxious when I couldn’t find my particular cleaning gloves from Costco at the Costco we went to.
Said insanely hard to find (apparently) cleaning gloves. OH MY GAWD I AM SO ANNOYED GUYS.
Anyway, I held it together while I was with aforementioned friend but holy craptasm did I really start getting INSANELY anxious when I then couldn’t find a good bullet journal. I mean, the stores acted like it was the craziest thing in the world to have GRAPH PAPER in a small notebook! Bad luck, I know, since I can think of 5 other establishments that would have had what I was looking for…
BUT THEN I JUST GOT FED UP AND DECIDED TO MAKE ONE.
Because I don’t just knit, y’all. I’m a fucking book binding genius (not really, it’s just tape and hot glue. I honestly don’t know how long it will last.)
And yes, I totally changed the quote to something way more positive.