In the traditional “sleeping hours” as I stated wide awake something was really bothering me– for the first time in a long while I wasn’t awake because I had anxiety, but because I still had energy to burn off.
See, in the past, many years ago — before my knee injury (and subsequent lengthy healing time I’m still recovering from; before all this anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD gripped me — I was a woman of action. I loved moving, getting out and working my body to that sweet ache in my chest and that warm burn flushed through my muscles. I loved doing. I loved the thrill of a tough problem. I rushed to overcome the difficult stuff. It was like a high.
Then came the knee thing and as soon as I was on the path to normalcy the anxiety crept in…. CLEARLY the Universe has something to say to me that I haven’t been getting.
Anyway, what I mean to say is I am grateful to have had a day nearly free of anxiety, no panic attacks (I didn’t leave the house sooooo that may have had something to do with that). I’m grateful to have felt bored for once. Hell, I was almost myself. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to focus on the hard stuff. I’m grateful to I dunno, feel the ouch and have the room to hide if I want to and the room to crawl out when I’m ready.