I Am Not Myself 


The past two days have been pretty hard. I’ve had such devastating panic attacks surrounding my full-time disability I left work yesterday and then called out today. It’s basically been a roller coaster something like this:

I brought myself down from an what could have been an epic panic. Positive, yay! 

Now I’m exhausted and I feel like my brain is about to explode. Negative, boo!

I know I’m not taking care of myself, I know that. I’m putting so much pressure on myself and … And I’m letting it takeover. 

There’s this forceful desire to be the best I can be, to be my cheerful, bubbly, full of energy person I used to be. 

Except what I’m letting run my life is the fear of every disaster that could possibly happen. 

That’s not good, right? 

Fine fine fine. I’m calling my therapist tomorrow. Damnit. 

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