OH MY GOD I JUST NEED TO START THIS STUPID THING.
There was a lot of background writing that happened and now it’s over the end.
So this past weekend was tough. Like panic attacks but not but yes? As therapy is progressing and the meds kick in, things are changing. For the better. I’m pretty sure for the better.
Anyway, it’s pretty clear that Family is a HUGE MOTHER FUCKING TRIGGER. Like, I was in agony because I was taking my younger brothers to Universal Studios and I wasn’t so nervous about the actual experience with them, but more like my thought process was:
I have to make this all go well or else I won’t be able to see my brothers again.
Pretty fucked up, right?
Hindsight is 20/20 and it helps to have a good therapist too.
What my therapist has been stressing that I think I finally got — sort of — is that I have the power to say, “fuck that shit (thinking)”
As in, I’ve got the POWAH.
Also, to stop beating myself up all the time? Like I think I should be using this whole I’m awake time to do laundry but I’m not and that’s OK?
Still getting used to it.
Also, I’ve decided I’m working out more.
The end. No wait..