It’s a terrible feeling knowing that everything will be just dandy, yet feeling like every move you make is a bad one, or you won’t live up to expectations.
Not my brothers, not the actual outing — but making sure that I’M perfect, at least in the eyes of their mother.
My brain tells me that if I’m not, I won’t be able to see my brothers again for a very long time.
And the tasks to “make myself perfect” are long, and time consuming. Not to mention overwhelming as fuck.
Fucking therapy and self actualization and bettering myself.