So today (technically yesterday) was rough. I was depressed most of the day due to some ongoing frustrations that I really can’t go into too much detail with and as I’m trying to fall asleep it’s morphed into this weird anxious OCD depression which is really weird?
I know what depression feels like, and I know how anxiety feels, but this is a real kicker.
Like the logical side of myself kinda has to laugh at the whole bizarre novelty of it.
It feels like… It feels like one of those spinning things on the playground — or wait, no. Like Goldilocks, but instead of breaking and entering she’s trying on outfits for a really important event.
Except my event is my life. And there’s the dress that I’ve had for a while but haven’t worn in a while and I say, “why not, it used to be comfortable” but then OH, EW. NO. That color just won’t do. So then I start to think about what message I want to send and ack! Nothing is perfect enough, how will I ever be able to make a decision?!? Well fuck, I just, nononononononononononononono It’s too much spin spin spin spin spin.
I do know, unlike before, this feeling is temporary and I will indeed be able to find a solution to my problem. I know I can be flexible and I can be patient.
Change is possible and I am making progress. One tiny box of kittens at a time.