Thoughts on a Few Things

So I had double back-to-back appointments with my psychiatrist and then my therapist about getting me on partial disability. This basically means that I can only work 20 hours a week instead of full time. 

And apparently I have to take Xanax on the regular throughout the day. 

So far it seems to be working, but like the sessions before it my therapy has shaken me. 

Without getting into specifics (because frankly they still send me into a mild panic), I’ve been… Gently suggested I actually think on what was said in the session. Accurately assessed, my therapist pointed out my tendency to stuff everything in a box. 

It’s hard. 

It’s hard to think about why I have habits the way I do, it’s hard to even decide to BEGIN to let go. 

Worst of all, it’s hard to give myself credit for all the good I do now and how strong I’ve been to develop the coping skills I have. 

It got me choked up just to write that and I can feel the electric nausea of anxiety. 

So basically I’m trying. 

I’m trying and I’m not going to stop trying until I get to my find my slice of peace and joy. 

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