Dapilitating Badassery

Soooo big words last time, right? Well…

I hid under my blankets most of today and couldn’t go into work.

I got through a long, very prolonged panic attack yesterday and got to work… and then had to leave early.

I’m in the trenches, yo.

trench

It’s not particularly pretty.

Sometimes, to distance myself from the situation, when all my tools and mantras and breathing aren’t cutting it I think of this period of my life as my incubation. Like some people have stories about a failure in their life that got them down before they picked themselves up again; If I were looking back, this would be my I’m down but not out of the game moment.

The moment when I feel like I have reached a real low, but am finding the strength to be .. more.. to be better.

I know it’s a process and this whole growing agoraphobia just doesn’t cut it.

I’ve been seriously thinking a lot today and even in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack I made a promise to myself. And in order to hold myself accountable, well. Here it goes.

I promise to act even when I’m afraid.

 

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