The day is starting to wrap up and as far as a day off goes, I’ve been really fucking productive. I was proud of myself until not 45 minutes ago when anxiety started to kick in.
My brain started telling me that just because I hadn’t done one thing, I need to make up for it with three other things. And I’m panicking because those 3 other things are really freaking hard for me right now because I don’t have all the information, tools, or skills to complete them.
So I am currently writing this post in bed, under my blankets and surrounded by my stuffed animal brigade because that’s what makes me feel safe.
It sucks. Each step forward I take sucks the big one, and I hate feeling like I’m letting down my family or work because of my anxiety (which frankly is rediculous since OMG I AM SURROUNDED BY A SEA OF SUPPORT).
Anyway, I realized that my brain basically came up with ways to inflict mental self harm and that’s super fucked up.
I princess and the pea-d myself.
…..Except that kind of sounds like I relieved myself, so maybe not that.