It’s just after 1 a.m. and for the first time in a few days I feel refreshed and able to function as a human being. I went to bed around 8 last night so I didn’t fight the urge too much when I saw the time. I admit, I did put on a guided meditation track that was starting to do the trick, but I kind of said, “fuck it.”
The fire is still raging where I am, but we’re safe and never had to be evacuated. We did foster two dogs, a cat, and we currently still have two horses in our back pasture. I’m very thankful for all the firefighters and volunteers who stepped up because damn dude. THAT’S A LOT OF FUCKING FIRE.
I was a wreck Sunday because I woke up anxious and then add that holy shit the fire is close… pack! You might be evacuated! Make sure to pack for the dogs! Oh my gawd, now we’re getting more animals. Holycrapholycrapholycrapholycrap
And that’s basically how Sunday went.
The evacuation area was literally one exit south from us on the freeway, which was scary as fuck on its own but then we had people banding together and helping each other out and just a level of social interaction that made my anxiety flare up even more. (Hint: we took in house guests due to the fire)
So I hid under my blankets heavily medicated until my presence was absolutely necessary.
Monday was *a little* better, but not by much in the morning. Thankfully, around 2pm ish the part of my brain that gets fuzzy feelings from being under pressure came alive.
Did I ever mention I was kind of an adrenaline junky before my anxiety hit? Oh yeah, 180 personality tendencies are weird.
Anyway, I went outside and spent time with the horses and brushed their ash-filled coats. It was hot so I think I only spent an hour or less outside, but it was the best feeling in the world.
And then I puttered around the house.
The only thing I did notice was I couldn’t seem to do my laundry for fear that I was, “taking water away from the firefighters”. A ridiculous notion, I know (and if anyone who works in water municipals knows that it was a founded fear, please don’t tell me. I don’t know how I would cope).
It wasn’t until I read that most everyone from the evacuated area could come home that I was like, oh, OKAY. Doing laundry might be okay now. But I was too tired at that point so I went to bed.
So guess what I’m doing now bitches?!?!
BEING PRODUCTIVE AND SHIT. AW YEAH.
This post was weird.